A New Era

Last week, I turned 40 and threw myself a wedding in my favorite city with my favorite people. In a world full of bad, having a big, silly, beautiful party felt good and great. Everyone committed - there were wedding dresses and tuxes, fake flowers, incredible cake. The dress was couriered here from Australia by my best friend; friends and family came from all over. This party was also, I'm now realizing, my farewell to the latest version of my life.

When I was turning 30, I left a long-time relationship, quit my job and moved from Philadelphia to New York. Similarly, 39 was full of seismic shifts. After five years of building, I left the organization I founded, moved back to my hometown, and took care. It had been a really hard few years. There was hurt and harm and grief, so much grief. Working in a movement where the external landscape is eternally shifting atop an eternally shifting internal landscape is, in and of itself, exhausting. Inside of that chaos, I made a new thing - a beautiful, needed, lovely thing - and the reality of an idea becoming a team was incredibly difficult. Then one of my parents got incredibly sick and the dam broke. I couldn’t show up for my team the ways they wanted me to and I wanted me to; it was time to step aside and let them go on to build whatever comes next. I moved back to the hometown I swore up and down I would never move back to and left the city I swore up and down I would never leave.

I moved in November and left the job in January and all the while I had this plan. One day in 2023, I made an off-hand comment to some friends in the park that when I turned 40, I should throw myself a wedding. That comment became a collection of post-its on butcher paper, became a savings account, became a Miro board, became a gift registry*, became a website, became a party. On April 19, 75 friends and family took over a beautiful restaurant in Brooklyn and celebrated. I wore a simply enormous, enormously pink dress. I made a ribbon photo backdrop bought from Joann Fabrics closure sales and a bouquet of fake flowers with matching ones on the cake. My father “walked me down the aisle” (to give me away to the ether I guess?) with my niblings in front of us as flower children. A three year old sang happy birthday into a mic. There was a disco ball and dance party. A friend made temporary tattoos of my face. It was fun and silly and a little evening of joy.

I’ve been on what I’ve been referring to as “hiatus” since the end of January. I’m mulling on some ideas, scheming some schemes, but have mostly been resting and repairing, using this party as my escape project. Last night I got the party pictures and today I realized that that means its done. The party is done, my 30’s are done, that job is done. We are in a new world and I’m in a new era. It’s time to make ideas into actions. There are a million words to say and write from my last post to this one, a million lessons I’ve learned. So welcome back, me, it’s good to see you again. Let’s find out what our 40s are like, shall we.

*YEAH I MADE A REGISTRY. THAT WAS 90% OF THE POINT OF THIS PARTY.