2019
A messenger bag I had made in 2010 that is half Philly skyline and half New York skyline. It took another 5 years to make it actually reflect my life but we got there.
‘Tis the season for lists and reflections! As the year and the decade alike come to a close it’s hard to resist doing some kind of inventory. I have to admit, I can’t fully deal with the end-of-a-decade-compare-contrast (thinking in depth about my 24 year old self feels like a lot) so I’m going to table that for some journal entry somewhere. Suffice it to say, the first half of this decade was in my twenties, Philadelphia, and partnership, and the second half was in my thirties, New York, and single. What a world!
2019, though. 2019 was big and hard and messy.
Almost exactly a year ago I quit my full time job to see what it was like to go off on my own. I’m sure this will be a huge shock to everyone but: it’s not easy! It’s been a year of deeply believing I can do this and deeply believing I can’t. It’s been exhilarating and crushing and exhausting.
When I moved to New York, it was with the knowledge that it would be lonely and hard. Eight years before, I had moved to Philadelphia because my best friend told me to (shoutout Cara!) and it took me three years to really find my footing and friends. Deciding to walk away from my community and start anew was one of the most difficult things about moving, but it was no longer really an option. I needed to get out of Philly and I needed to get to New York. But this time I knew it was going to take a while for me to find the New York version of my footing and friends, and for the first few years it would just kind of suck. And, again, big surprise to everyone reading this: I was right! Moving to a new city at 30, especially New York, is hard!
So maybe it was fitting that at the three year mark in New York I quit my job, and that now, at the end of year four, between the career change and the sheer number of years and some combination of the two, I’m realizing I’m finally getting the New York version of My People.
Since it truly wouldn’t be an end of the year/decade post without a Top Ten list, here are some of the people (from New York and beyond) who helped me get through …whatever just happened. (For the purposes of this list we’re excluding family because the immediate family takes up an entire half of the countdown, so just know that they’re all the baseline.)
In no particular order:
Odile, who gave me the contracting job that let me go off on my own in the first place and then became a dear friend and stalwart ally, and also gives, like, really quality hugs.
Jaime-Jin, who serves as #1 cheerleader and #1 dresser-down as needed. Get you a friend who will look you in the eye and tell you that you’re amazing and also to get over yourself.
Cara, who is the love of my life and Other Half and now lives in Sydney which means when I’m having an anxiety attack at 3 AM, she’s happily prepping dinner and ready to talk me down. What a treat what a dream.
My Beach Biker Gang™, who will bike to the beach with me anytime, up to and including the dead of winter (#brooklynisabeachtown) and are also all from Virginia and have ties to my physical home? A special h/t to Rob, the Fauquier boy who got me in with this crew. Sometime I’m going to write about the number of Virginians in my New York life; it’s honestly shocking.
Karin, who moved back to California but in her last visit back, while I was having a particularly hard time, took an entire half day to sit with me and help me process. I will always appreciate her for that. Also get you social workers. They’re quality friends.
Amber, who spent the first half of the year being my sounding board and voice of reason and the second half killing it at a new job.
Erin, who was one of the first My People friends in Philly and still continues to be a font of support and grace from afar. In many ways, talking to her feels like home.
Ellen, who is one of the few of us actually still in Philadelphia and will never not impress me with the sheer number of things she can do in a day. Just thinking about her schedule makes me tired, but she’s there, ready to lead a department or make you a lasagna. She is a force to be reckoned with.
Lauren, who ~always~ wants to listen to my nonsense, no matter what kind it is, and is constantly reminding me that she wants the best for me so I should too.
Cory, who will undoubtedly tease me for this (as will Lauren) but is the sort of eternal hum in the background of my life. Is that a compliment? Who’s to say. But he is. He’s also v funny, so there’s that.
Honorable mentions to Caleb; the aforementioned ex (who taught me more about myself than I could have ever guessed, which I say with gratitude and humility); everyone who did an informational interview with me, recommended me, or hired me; the old and new friends I ran into on the streets/subways of New York and made me feel like this city is really mine; my sister’s kids who are the literal best and I can’t believe they’re still as into me as I am them; the Philly friends who moved here before I did and took me into their lives (again!); and the woman who looked at me once at an event and said, “The work you do is really valuable, you know that?”
What a decade. What a year.